Received this passage from Jeffrey Archer's A Prison Diary volume III, originally appears in the book under Lady Archer’s byline. Clearly, the fragrant chemist has retained her sense of humour, as seen in this ‘Hazardous Materials Data Sheet’ which she submitted to the Chemistry at Cambridge Newsletter.
Element: Woman. Symbol: Wo. Discoverer: Adam. Atomic Mass: accepted as 55Kg but known to vary from 45Kg to 225Kg. Occurence: found in large quantities in urban areas, with trace elements in outlying regions. Physical properties: boils at absolutely nothing, freezes for no aparent reason. Melts if given special treatment, bitter if used incorrectly. Chemical properties: affinity to gold, silver, platinum and all precious stones. The most powerful money-reducing agent known to man. Common use: highly ornamental, especially in sports cars. Can be a very effective cleaning agent. Hazards: highly dangerous except in experience hands. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.
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